


the secrets we keep.

by orphan_account



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: It's implied tbh, M/M, Trans!Jughead, they also make out a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-10-20 15:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10665756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “We aren’t MJ and Peter Parker. We aren’t Noah and Allie. We’re not some fairy tale lovers deeply in love and doomed to fall apart. We’re people. Real life people, Jason. And we’re not doing a very good job at being real.”





	1. part one.

The drive-in had become a home away from home for Jason Blossom. It was his only safe place and he shared it with someone who he could only hold close under the the guise of the darkness and with the static noise of whatever movie playing in the background. 

Jason couldn’t spend as much time with Jughead as he would have wanted to. If he could, he’d spend every waking moment with the boy and just share in their peace and quiet together. Most nights were spent in a soft silence, Jughead held close to Jason’s chest while Jason’s hand senselessly traced shapes on the other boy’s back - the only communication between them done with small gestures, muted movements, and soft kisses. For Jason, the quiet was warm and enveloping. Jughead’s breath against his neck was all he needed to feel at peace - to feel completely alive. For Jughead, it entwined him into this town. He went from feeling so small to knowing that he was part of something bigger. Sometimes, it was too much to bear. Sometimes, he didn’t want to have those thoughts on his conscience. Sometimes, it was easier to be small. 

But then he felt the gentle push of two lips against his forehead and all of Riverdale melted away into a senseless blur, and all there was was him and Jason Blossom - and a Blossom by any other name would smell as sweet. 

The silence would only last so long before one of them finally said something, typically, it was in a hushed whisper, and this one was no different. 

“She loves me,” rang out Jason’s voice, and that was enough to drag Jughead back to reality. It wasn’t just them. It was Polly. It was Cheryl. It was Archie. It was the whole damned town of Riverdale crowded in his room at the drive-in. 

Jughead shifted, moving out of Jason’s gentle embrace to sit up and rub his face. He knew this situation was complicated, and it was always going to be complicated. Polly was for his image. Polly was to piss off Mr and Mrs. Blossom in just the right way. Polly was having a hard time. Polly was a friend. Jason cared about Polly, he needed to help her. He was trying so hard to do good but - 

“But I can’t love her,” 

Jughead knew that anyways. He knew that Jason really only had eyes for him, but that didn’t stop him from taking Polly out to dinner, to holding her hand in public, to being able to kiss her whenever he wanted to. From spending nights with her when given the chance. And Jughead knew it wasn’t because Jason was interested in her, at least, not romantically. They had discussed it time and time again. 

But that didn’t stop it from stinging. 

Jason sat up with Jughead, an arm gently coming around to rest on his waist. It wasn’t forceful, it didn’t pull Jughead closer to him, it was just a careful touch - and it sent tingles up the other boys skin. 

“I know, Jason,” Jughead breathed out. “I know…” He knew it all. He knew Jason’s reasonings, he knew how this subject was just a minefield that got more and more difficult to traverse each and every time. But this had been going on for months, and Jughead wasn’t sure how much more turmoil he could take. “I know.” He said again, this time prepared to elaborate. “But you gotta do something about this. You can’t keep stringing Polly along like this. It’s not fair to her.” _It’s not fair to me either,_ Jughead thought, but kept that to himself. 

“I know.” Jason responded. “I know it’s not but it’s just… It’s not fair to abandon her either. I got her this deep into it, and with the Blossom-Cooper feud to fan the flames it’s… It’s not just about me and Polly anymore. I don’t think it ever even was about me and Polly.” His tone was delicate and careful; a tone Jughead had noted that Jason only ever used with him. He scarcely even talked to Cheryl this softly. 

Jughead carefully leaned his head on Jason’s shoulder, and Jason took that as permission to wrap his arm a little bit tighter. Another kiss was pressed to his forehead. “I don’t like this either,” Jason continued. “I really… I wish I could have my arm around you at school. I wish I could bring you home,” A pause, and the traces of a laugh slipped past Jason’s lips. “I think you and Cheryl would get along. More than you’d think.” 

Jughead couldn’t help but laugh a little bit either. He really couldn’t picture himself as being friends with Cheryl Blossom. But then again, there he was curled up with Jason Blossom as the Count of Monte Cristo played in the background. 

When did his life get this strange? 

“I’m sorry.” Jason told him, after their small giggles had halted and another silence had overtaken them. Jughead paused as well, taking in a breath as he turned in towards Jason. He wrapped both of his arms around the other boy and held him close, his nose pressed against the crook of Jason’s neck and he completely wrapped himself around the boy. Riverdale didn’t matter. 

“Don’t be.” Jughead told him gently, muffled by Jason’s shoulder. He believed that Jason didn’t want things to be this way, he believed that if Jason could, things would change. They would be different. And that would be okay. But it couldn’t be; at least, not yet. Not right now. 

Jason’s arms held Jughead closer, all but lifting him into his lap and embracing him tightly. His eyes were shut and his focus being entirely on the boy held so close to him. Polly was only a distant memory. 

“Jug?” Jason asked him quietly, leaning back just a little bit - trying to get a proper look at the boy’s face. Jughead complied, tilting his head up to look at Jason. A hand came up, gently cupping Jughead’s face, his thumb tracing out his features, as if trying to memorize the very structure of his face simply by touch. 

 

“I love you.” 

It took Jughead a moment to even realize who said it. But it was the gentle voice of Jason that spilled the three words first. His thumb gently tracing along Jughead’s lower lip as he did, his eyes pointedly looking into Jughead’s - immediately trying to get a read on his response to the suggestion. Jughead’s heart hammered in his chest. They had been officially seeing each other for just over two months, and in Jughead’s mind, even if he felt it, it was too early to say it. But there it was. Already out in the open and there was no way that Jason could take it back, and no way that he could just ignore that it had been said. 

“Jason…” Which wasn’t the response that Jason had been looking for, evident by the way his eyes immediately darted away and the dark red colour that had come up to his cheeks. He was looking for something else to focus on. Anything else than the clear mistake he had just made. “Jason, hey!” Jughead was a bit more firm on that - and it was successful. It got Jason’s eyes back onto him with ease. Jason relaxed, taking in a slow breath as he refocused himself onto Jughead. 

“Yeah?” He responded. He was trying to sound cool and collected - but there was a nervousness lying just underneath the surface. 

“You’re…” Jughead began, but quickly stopped. He didn’t know exactly where he was going to go with that. Sudden, passionate bursts weren’t really his style - and if he was going to say something, he was at least going to formulate it to be somewhat cohesive. God, was he going to have to write it down and submit it like an essay? He shook his head, mostly to himself. “You are Jason Blossom.” As if Jason didn’t already know that. “You are the quarterback. You’re the heir of the town's livelihood. You are dating Polly Cooper. You’re going to go off to Harvard for business. You are the cookie cutter mold of a stereotypical ‘nice guy.’” Jughead explained, and Jason had no idea where he was going with this. His eyebrows furrowed. “I’m Jughead Jones. I write for a school newspaper that nobody reads. I constantly wear a stupid beanie. I live in a drive-in movie theater and I don’t talk to anyone aside from Betty Cooper and Archie Andrews, in a public setting. I live off of burgers and milkshakes and I’ve never stepped foot in an actual gym in my life. I’m a weird kid.” Jason opened his mouth to argue, but Jughead hardened his glance, enough to keep him quiet for now. 

“We’re not Cinderella and Prince Charming,” Jughead continued. “We aren’t MJ and Peter Parker. We aren’t Noah and Allie. We’re not some fairytale lovers deeply in love and doomed to fall apart. We’re people. Real life people, Jason. And we’re not doing a very good job at being real.” Jason wasn’t one-hundred percent sure what Jughead meant by that. And took a moment to think it over, “Jason-” Jughead interrupted the train of thought. “What I mean is… We aren’t going to get some martyrdom. We aren’t going to be regarded as two ships passing in the night. I think we both have this idea that somehow love will conquer all, and people will write stories about us, that we’ll be the ideal for future generations but… It doesn’t work. You’ll have to go off to school, you’ll find some nice girl and get married and make your family proud. I’m just--” 

“No.” Jason insisted, shaking his head. “No. I… I don’t know what the future is going to bring Jughead. I don’t. Maybe we won’t last. Maybe we won’t be some epic love story, --” 

“-- We won’t.” 

“But that doesn’t change how I feel about you right now. That doesn’t change that I love you. That you are the first person that I have ever loved.” Jason was teetering on the edge of tearing up. He was scared, and he hated that he was still uncomfortable in his own skin. That the idea of loving Jughead, somewhere in him, caused fear to crop up. Fear that could only result in complete ostracizing from his family. And God, he didn’t want that. 

Jughead, on the other hand, didn’t have an ounce of fear within him. Jason loved him. And that was all he needed to know. 

“Jason,” Jughead spoke carefully. His voice barely a whisper. 

“Mm?” 

“I love you, too.” 

In an instant, lips were pressed against Jughead’s. Warm and inviting and ever so gentle and slow. It was a deep kiss, all lips and with Jason’s hands dropping to rest on Jughead’s hips, rubbing slow and comforting circles. 

Jughead didn’t know how long the pair had kissed, and he was sure Jason had lost track of the time too. But silence fell over the drive-in, and the movie had finished. Which was a sign for him to slowly untangle himself from Jason’s embrace to switch to the next movie; the ever classic Romeo + Juliet. (It had been a request from Melody Valentine, and he couldn’t turn it down.) 

“Nice choice.” Jason teases lightly as the movie starts up, and Jughead rolls his eyes - just as amused, but he doesn’t let it on so easily. 

“It’s my favourite. How did you not know this, Jason?” A mock tone of offense has taken his voice. 

“Oh, sorry. Excuse me. But the hat and the attitude really screams ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ is my favourite movie… But, the job says ‘Citizen Kane’.” Jason remarked, giving Jughead a playful nudge as he joined Jason on the cot. 

“Citizen Kane is up there, but I’m obligated to say that as someone who works at a movie theater.” Jughead grinned, and Jason laughed a little bit. 

“You know, I’ve never seen it.” 

“Citizen Kane?” Jughead asks, and Jason shakes his head. “No, you’re kidding. You’ve really never seen Citizen Kane? That’s like… the movie.” 

“Nope. Never seen it.” Jason confirms with a grin towards him. “Sorry to say it, but… Well, alright - it really doesn’t look that interesting. 

Jughead played up being offended by those very words. “Doesn’t look that interesting? Jason, it is the most well-crafted, well-written, and best-developed movies of all times. Not to mention it’s entire purpose is to spit in the face of some annoying old rich guy and his dumb habits. And it worked. The guy was pissed.” 

“You know, as someone who will one day be an annoying old rich--” 

“Oh, shut up.” Jughead laughed, nudging him playfully. And it was a nice moment, as Jason was laughing along. Nearly harder than Jughead was laughing. To any outsiders looking in, they were two completely normal boyfriends, having a completely normal time, without any secrets between them. 

***

“Alright. That was a pretty good movie,” Jason confessed. It was nearly 3am and the two of them were squished together on Jughead’s cot, watching the movie on some illegal website on Jason’s phone. It wasn’t the best way to watch it, and Jughead had made sure to complain about it through the first twenty minutes of the movie before resigning to just enjoying it with Jason. When it finished, and Jason commented that, Jughead grinned. 

“See? Told you.” He seemed rather proud of that. And Jason, for a passing moment considered the fact that he never saw Jughead as happy as he was when he talked about movies. He’d have to keep that in mind. 

“Well, aside from the glaring flaw,” Jason added afterwards. Smirking a little bit at the information he was ready to toss down. 

“Glaring flaw?” Jughead questioned, rolling his eyes. “What glaring flaw could you possibly find in Orson Welles’ prized work?” 

“The fact that when Kane died no one was in the room, so how the hell did they know his last words? That’s the entire point of the movie but… There was no way for anyone to have known he said ‘Rosebud.’” Jason explained, and Jughead considered that for a moment. 

“... You’re right.” He had never really thought about that before, and suddenly, the movie was completely ruined for him. “God, how the hell did I never notice that?” 

Jason laughed a little bit, shaking his head slightly as he leaned in to press a soft and slow kiss onto Jughead’s lips. “No idea,” He muttered quietly, leaning into kissing him again. His phone now discarded as his arms wrapped around Jughead’s waist, Jason shifting to nearly laying on top of Jughead in a smooth motion. Jughead’s arms came up to wrap around Jason’s shoulders, pulling him down closer to him. 

The kiss was slow and heavy, hips pressing into each other, soft groans escaping both of the boys as they held onto each other. Jason’s tongue darted out, and Jughead gladly accepted the action with a throaty moan. After a few moments, Jason pulled back from Jughead’s lips, pressing wet kisses to the side of his neck, before sucking down on the skin where his neck met his shoulder. 

Jughead felt a cool hand slip under his shirt, resting at his hip at first, but as it started to move up, he shifted a hand to stop to the movement. A nervousness taking him over as he moved to sit up, nudging Jason off of him carefully. 

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked him softly, briefly worried that he had done something wrong. 

 

“Nothing, nothing.” Jughead assured him. And Jason really hadn’t done anything wrong. Jughead brought up his hand, rubbing at the spot on his neck where he was sure Jason had left a bruise. “Just… Not right now, okay?” His voice was soft, borderline scared. Jason nodded, leaning in to press a light kiss onto Jughead’s cheek. 

“Alright. That’s fine.” Jason assured him, shifting to lay down again, he moved under the covers, opening up his arms to Jughead, who instantly laid down with him, curling up close to Jason’s embrace. 

“Love you, Jug,” Jason mumbled, closing his eyes as he buried his nose into Jughead’s hair, his lips pressed against Jughead’s forehead. 

“I love you too, Jase.” Jughead breathed out softly. His hands coming up to take a tight grip onto Jason’s shirt and the two fell into a silence. Neither was exactly sure when they fell asleep, but they both did. A certain peace between them - wrapped up in each other's arms. Nights like these would always be a secret, neither of them would dare breathe a word of it to anyone (not even Cheryl.) And it was hard; it was the most difficult thing either of them would ever do. 

Until they had to say goodbye.


	2. part two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No matter what, Jug, I love you.” 
> 
> “I know.”

“Polly’s pregnant.” 

Jughead isn’t too sure why he’s surprised when Jason tells him this. It’s not like it’s been a secret between them that Jason has been sleeping with Polly, it was all apart of his act, and although Jughead wasn’t happy about it, he was accepting of it. It wasn’t what he thought it was; and besides, Jason wasn’t really cheating on _him._ He was cheating on Polly. Jughead had to remind himself that he was the other guy. 

But this was something he couldn’t have foreseen. He expected Jason to be… Safe while having sex. To not get his girlfriend knocked up. To not put himself in a situation where he could no longer get out of it. 

“Oh.” Was all Jughead could manage to get out, and Jason wasn’t that surprised. He hadn’t been sure of what to say when Polly told him either. Of course, Jason had been quick to change his tune; he was happy, he was ecstatic even, and he meant that. He was going to be a father, and even though he was young and unprepared, he had faith in Polly. That they would be able to make it work, one way or another. But most of all, Jason was sure that this kid was going to have parents better than the ones he and Polly had wound up stuck with. He was going to give these kids the best damned future he could, no matter what it took. 

It was about time he learned about self-sacrifice, right? 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. What we’re going to do.” Jason explained to Jughead honestly, and Jughead gave a miniscule nod. “I’m sorry,” Jason added. “I’m so, so sorry.” There was another thing that Jason was certain of. Jughead didn’t deserve to be dragged into this shit by him. Pale hands ran through crimson hair as Jason thought; there was so many options. Abortion (which Polly immediately declined before Jason even brought it up), adoption (this one wasn’t a hard no - but Polly wasn’t crazy about the idea.) or raising it on their own. This one, Jason was the most hesitant on - there was no way they’d be able to raise a child in their current circumstances. 

“Whatever you do, Jason, you need to do what’s best for that child.” Jughead told him finally, his voice flat and void of emotion. He knew what it was like to be a child tossed to the side and swept up under the rug in the whirlwind of his parents drama. He didn’t want another child to go through that. And of course, Jason knew that - it was clear by the expression of utter despair that crossed his face, and in the way that his arms dropped to wrap around Jughead and pull him in close. 

“No matter what, Jug, I love you.” 

“I know.” 

*** 

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Cheryl asked him, as Jason paced around his room. The ring box given to him by their grandmother was clutched tightly in his hand. It had been about a week since Jason had found out Polly was pregnant, and right now it was a secret shared only by him, Polly, Cheryl, Nana, and Jughead. 

“I am. I… Need to do this, Cheryl. Not for me. Not for Polly. But for the baby.” He explained, he had to chose his words carefully; sure, he told Cheryl everything, but he could not tell her about Jughead. That would only make this situation more complicated. 

“Explain to me again what exactly your plan is?” Cheryl asked, a frown seeming to be permanently set on her face as she watched Jason continue to walk back and forth across his floor. 

“I’m going to ask Polly to marry me, and we’re going to run away together. Far from here. To Chicago. To New York. To LA. To Seattle. To Miami. Anywhere but here. You’re going to help me… Me running away, it’ll draw too much attention. We need to do something big. Something to keep mom and dad and the Coopers away from me and Polly,” He explained, swallowing back a lump in his throat. “You and I are going to go take a boat trip on Sweetwater River… You’ll get me out of town while I’ll meet Polly, and we’ll leave.. You’ll… You’ll have to lie for me, Cherry.” Jason told her softly, his voice wavering. “You’re going to have to tell them that I drowned. We capsized. I went under and didn’t come back up. Something that means no one will be looking for me. They’ll be too busy trying to find---” 

“-- A body.” 

“A body that won’t be there. A death that’ll remain unsolved until it’s eventually swept away and done with.” 

“JJ, this is ridiculous. This is stupid. You’re crazy.” Cheryl insisted, she stood up, shaking her head. “You can’t just run away into the sunset with Polly and expect some sort of happily ever after. Your life isn’t a movie.” What was it with everyone telling him that lately? 

“I know, Cherry. I know.” Jason insisted. He gripped his sister by the shoulders, staring her dead in the eye. “I know it’s not going to be easy, I’m not happy about having to do it either. I’m sorry that… You have to keep all of this a secret, but Polly… Our baby deserves a better chance. They deserve a place where they can be happy and not tied up in some ancient blood feud between our families. I’ve done… I’ve done something stupid, Cheryl. I know that. And it’s my mistake and I’m going to make it right. I’m sorry.” He dissolved into pulling his sister into a tight hug, which she readily returned. 

“You’re not going to lose me, Cherry. Not completely.” Jason insisted. “I’ll be in touch. As soon as Polly and I are safe, I’ll let you know. I’ll keep you updated with everything.” Jason promised her, his empty hand shifting to rub her back in wide circles. Her grip tightening up on him. 

“You better mean that, Jason.” Cheryl mumbled against his shoulder. 

“I do.” Jason promised. 

*** 

“Of course she said yes,” Jughead exhaled. His heart was breaking and yet, he wouldn’t dare let a single tear fall down from his eyes. Sure, he could feel them prickling and blurring his vision, but he refused to make them prominent by having them roll down his cheeks. “Why wouldn’t she say yes to marrying Jason fucking Blossom?” He demanded. 

Jason hated this moment more than anything in the world. He regretted the moment he had to break Jughead’s heart more than anything, but what could he do? This was bigger than both of them. “I love you, Jug--” 

“Oh, save it!” 

Rationally, Jughead knew he shouldn’t be angry. He was the one who told Jason that he had to do absolutely anything for that child. And that’s what he was doing; the only thing in the world that would give that child a fighting chance at a semi-decent life. This wasn’t about him. This wasn’t because he didn’t love Jughead, but it was because he was growing up and having to do the mature thing. But Jughead wasn’t as mature. He was a kid and he was getting his heart ripped out of his chest by the man that he loved. 

“This isn’t about you. This isn’t about us.” Jason’s voice remained as calm and level as he could keep it, but it was on the verge of cracking. Jughead could tell. 

“Was it ever about us?” Jughead snapped at him; and Jason fell silent. He knew that Jughead was right. 

“I made a mistake. I made a lot of mistakes--”

“So, is that it? I’m a _mistake_ now?” 

Jason ignored him. “And I’m trying to fix them. But right now, it’s not about how I feel. It’s about this life that I created because of some dumb mistake and I need… I need to make it right for that kid, Jughead. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I dragged you into my mess. I thought… I thought I could handle all of this, but I can’t okay!? Is that what you want to hear? That I can’t handle this? That I don’t know what I’m doing and that I’m just doing the only thing I can because I can’t abandon Polly. I can’t abandon our child. Because, hey, guess what. I would fucking love to stay here with you. I would love to have put a damned ring on your finger instead, but I can’t. I can’t be selfish. I can’t be Jason Blossom anymore. Not that Jason Blossom.” 

He was crying as he spilled that all out, and for the briefest of moments, Jughead wants to comfort him. He wants to help Jason through this; because that’s the Jason he knows, the one who was just trying his best to do something right, but couldn’t get it done. The one who was just trying to figure out who he was and what he believed in but nothing ended up working out in his favour. The Jason Blossom who desperately needed someone to lean on. The Jason Blossom that only Jughead Jones knew. 

The Jason Blossom that was going to marry Polly Cooper. 

And suddenly, Jughead remembers why he was so angry at him. 

“Then leave,” He says quietly. 

“What?” 

“Leave.” Jughead speaks louder. Firmer. Angrier. 

“Jug--” 

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have dragged me into this. You shouldn’t have made me fall in love with you when you were just going to be with Polly this whole time. When you were just going to choose her in the end, and I don’t want to hear it, Jason. I don’t care anymore. So go ahead and abandon me. Be like everyone else in my life!” 

Jason took a step forward, his hand extending to reach for Jughead, before Jughead smacks his hand away. “Leave.” He says again; and this time, Jason listens. He turns and makes his way out without another word. Pausing, just outside to look up at the drive-in one last time, before he trains his eyes to the ground and walks away. 

*** 

A week passes, and that’s the last thing Jason Blossom and Jughead Jones ever say to each other. And Jughead does not regret it one bit. At least, that’s what he tells himself. Every night he goes to bed reminding himself that Jason is the bad guy. That he’s the one in the wrong. That he should be the one up at night with guilt filling his stomach and not Jughead. And the worst part of it all is that Jughead knows that he’s right. He doesn’t believe anything in the world will take away the pure and unadulterated hatred he has for Jason Blossom in these very moments. 

He continues to go about his life, feelings on the matter completely disguised under a thick veil of practiced facial expressions that only serve to say that Jughead is fine. He’s doing okay, and he doesn’t have a single problem in his life. And why would he? Nothing has changed. 

His days carry on as normal, as if Jason Blossom was merely nothing in his life. He wakes up, he gets dressed, he hangs out with Archie or Betty, he goes to Pops, he gets some food, he goes to work, he goes to bed. He flows from day to day like clockwork; doing absolutely anything to keep Jason Blossom out of his mind. 

But there are sometimes he can’t help it. The weekend nights where his small cot feels so empty without the body to curl up to. How the movies just aren’t the same without Jason laughing at the jokes, or gasping in surprise when the dramatic plot twists aren’t revealed. How his hands feel empty without Jason’s holding onto him, and how he feels without that grounding how he might just float up, up, and up into the air and leave Riverdale behind because… What was really holding him there now? 

But he plugs his nose and holds his breath as he dives through day after day after day, and then it comes. The day where he goes through without thinking about Jason Blossom once; only to realize it the very next day, and for a little while, Jughead believes he is going to be okay. He isn’t thinking about Jason, and he and Archie have plans coming up. It’s decided; he was going to move on from Jason Blossom. 

And then he hears the news; it spreads like wildfire across the small gossipy town. 

“Have you heard?” A kid asks him in Pops, and Jughead is confused. He knows the kid, some underclassman just about to start up his first year of high school. Jughead gives a shake of his head. “Really?” The kid asks, eyes wide and shocked. 

“Heard what?” Jughead finally asks - and with the vagueness of the kid’s questioning, he assumed it was something major. 

“About Jason--- Jason Blossom.” The kid clarified, and suddenly, Jughead’s heart drops to his stomach. Oh no. 

“What about him?” His voice stays level, thankfully. 

“He was at Sweetwater, with his sister. The boat capsized and….” 

Jason Blossom was dead.


	3. part three.

Grieving is something that will never be easy, but it’s a hell of a lot more difficult when you can’t do it openly, and Jughead quickly learns that wherever he looks, he’s viciously reminded of Jason.

When he’s sitting in the drive-in, he can still hear Jason just behind him, commentating the movies. He can almost hear the creaking of the cot before soft hands wrap around his middle and hot kisses are pressed along the side of his neck. For a fleeting moment, the memory is a happy one, but then Jughead tastes his own salty tears on his lips and everything is taken away from him again. 

Part of him wants to blame Archie, even though he can’t rationalize it. Part of him thinks that maybe if his plan that weekend that gone correctly, maybe Jason would still be alive. That made sense, right? Some sort of damned cosmic balance? He didn’t know. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense how Jason could’ve fallen into the river and no body found. Which was where Jughead found himself shifting the blame yet again, this time, to Cheryl. Maybe it was all Cheryl’s fault. Maybe in some sort of jealous rage she killed her brother, capsized the boat and did away with the body? Maybe Jason had been trying to protect her from something? His head was pounding. 

Or maybe it was because of Polly. Maybe if Polly hadn’t been in the picture Jason wouldn’t have been out on the water that day. Maybe he would’ve been with Jughead, where he belonged. Maybe he’d still be alive. 

A voice in the back of his mind pointed out that Jason knew what he was doing, that he should be blamed for some of it. But a much louder part of him insists that he can’t blame the dead. 

And so, he doesn’t. He wastes his tears in private when he’s alone. He can’t tell Archie why he’s so distant, why he’s suddenly having such a hard time looking at his best friend. 

“You can’t really be this angry about the fact I skipped out on the weekend,” Archie insists. “Look, I’m sorry! I was working!” He let out a huff, running his hand through the fiery red hair on top of his head. “Jughead. Jughead, look at me, listen to me!” 

But it hurts. Everything about this hurts more than it should. “No, Archie. I’m done trying.” Jughead affirmed, standing up and leaving the diner in a hurry. He didn’t want Archie to see the tears readily rolling down his cheeks. 

How was Jughead supposed to get over Jason Blossom? It was a question he hadn’t even considered until Jason was gone. Completely and totally gone. He moved around the back of Pop’s, sliding down the brick wall until he was sitting in the grimey back side of the restaurant, his face in his hands and he openly sobbed. 

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there - but eventually, Pop made his way out. Assumingly to throw out some trash, but that didn’t stop him from offering a hand to help Jughead up. The request was silent, and Jughead considered ignoring it in favour of sitting there. He could only imagine how red and puffed his eyes were. 

“You look like you could use a milkshake.” Pop suggested. It’d be on the house. Jughead accepted the hand, pulling himself up to his feet and heading back into the diner, just behind Pop. 

Archie was gone when he came back in - and Jughead didn’t really care to find out where he was gone. Knowing Archie he’d probably call and text in vague attempts to apologize later, but for now, Jughead didn’t really care all too much to hear it. He sat up at the counter - his eyes focused down on the plastic top speckled with a variety of coloured splotches, trying to avoid any prying eyes that might see the tear stains left on his cheeks. Pop pushed a chocolate milkshake in front of him, topped off with extra whipped cream and three cherries. “Thanks.” Jughead muttered out, before taking a long sip from the drink. But no amount of sweetness could bring Jason Blossom back to life. 

 

The next few days went by in a blur. Polly was gone, and Betty had no idea where. No one had heard from Cheryl aside from the open invitation to attend his funeral where an empty casket would be placed in the ground. He had to go. Even if no one else knew about the secrets he and Jason shared, he’d be in attendance. 

He dressed in his best suit for Jason, and even decided to leave his hat at home as he made his way to the church. Something about being there felt distinctly wrong, and Jughead couldn’t place it. He could only shudder to imagine what the regular goers of this church would think if they knew the truth about what Jason got up to when the sun went down. 

There wasn’t a dry eye in the church, which gave Jughead some form of relief. If his own started to water, which they inevitably would, it wouldn’t stand out and draw attention to him.

Archie was the first to approach him - just as Jughead had signed off his attendance. A hand placed on his shoulder, followed by a “Hey-” which Jughead openly ignored. Archie hadn’t been a good friend, and sure, in some respects Jughead couldn’t blame him. He had no idea why the death of Jason Blossom was so painful and so personal to him, but at the same time, he shouldn’t have been brushed aside and left out of whatever the hell was going through Archie’s life at the moment. They should be there for each other - not keeping secrets. 

“Not now.” Jughead told him. “Don’t come here and pretend like everything is fine. This isn’t a place for us to kiss and make up, Archie. This is about Jason.” He explained. And Archie didn’t argue with him as he stepped away. 

The next thing Jughead noticed was that Polly Cooper was not in attendance. He could only guess where she might. Home? Thornhill? A doctor’s appointment? Planned Parenthood? Jughead wasn’t sure. What he was sure about was that Cheryl Blossom was approaching him with a certain look of determination in her eyes. She took his arm, her grip tighter than he had expected and confusion immediately spread across his face. 

“Cheryl--”

“Can I talk to you? Outside?” She asked him, her tone much softer than her expression and attitude. Jughead could only nod as she lead him away from the scene, out the front doors of the church and down the steps, away from any listening ears. 

“What is it?” He asked her with a furrow in his brow.

“I know about you and Jason.” 

Oh. 

Jughead hadn’t known what he expected from this conversation, but it certainly wasn’t that. He was silent for a moment. Staring up at Cheryl like a deer caught in the headlights. “I didn’t know you--” 

“I know.” Cheryl breathed out. “Just listen.” She paused, as if she was trying to collect herself and her thoughts on the matter. “Jason… He- He isn’t dead.” Cheryl began, and that was enough to throw Jughead for a loop. “He needed to get away with Polly, so I helped him fake his death. They’re… They’re long gone by now. Off to start a life somewhere, or something but… He told me he’d call me soon. In a few days, but he hasn’t. I’m sure it’s just because they’re having a hard time figuring this all out but. I’m worried.” 

Jughead stared at her in a silence. Jason was alive. He was alive and well somewhere with Polly and he was okay. He didn’t know if that made him feel better or worse, but he nodded. Completely on auto-pilot as he lifted up his arms to gently wrap them around Cheryl, pulling her into a short hug. She reciprocated. 

“He isn’t dead.” Jughead repeated. A very large part of him couldn’t believe that he was actually hearing those words. 

“He isn’t dead.” Cheryl said finally, but there was a hesitance in her voice. She felt like she couldn’t say that for certain given the fact she had no idea where Jason was, and she knew that Polly wasn’t with him. She didn’t know what he was doing, or what was going on, or why she hadn’t heard from him. But was she ever praying to God that he wasn’t dead. 

“This isn’t a good time,” But Jughead didn’t need to tell Cheryl that. Both of them were certain that this absence from the funeral was going to cause suspicion. “But just… Promise you’ll tell me if you hear anything from him? The moment you hear something?” Jughead asked; there was a pleading in his voice, and Cheryl couldn’t help but agree. 

“Give me your number?” She asked, pulling out her phone from her purse and offering it towards him. Jughead compiled and added himself in there. 

“You… You really don’t know how much this means to me, Cheryl.” 

“I can guess.” There it was - that Blossom snark. The way she said it spelled out the fact that of course it would mean a lot to him, it was just the attention of another pretty little Blossom kid. Jughead used a lot of his willpower to not roll his eyes at the remark. 

“Thank you,” He told her anyways. “I mean it.” 

“I know.” 

Without much of another word to each other - they parted. 

The funeral carried on, and Jughead felt much lighter through it all. Jason was missing. Jason was gone. But he was alive. He had to be alive out there somewhere. He was in the woods. He was out of town. He was on a four-day bus ride across the country to New York City where he was going to get a job and be okay and do what every teenager in Riverdale dreamed about by actually getting out of the hellish town. He was going to be Jason Blossom, and he was going to analyze Greek poetry and talk about football in pubs late into the night. He was going to be a flaming match in the dreary colours of Time Square and he was going to stand out proudly in every crowd, no matter how cold or how wet or how terrible the day was. He was going to be Jason Blossom, and he was going to be amazing. 

What Jughead didn’t expect was a month later, when Kevin and Moose went down to the river. 

No one expected that they would find Jason Blossom, floating in the water. 

Cold. 

Wet. 

And Terrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not going to lie - im not very happy with this chapter. i know i definitely rushed it at the end but ive sorta fallen out of my riverdale hype and i really just wanted to get this published and out there. 
> 
> thank you so much for all of the positive feedback, and im sure at some point or another ill keep writing jason/jughead! <3
> 
> thank you for all of your support and patience on this final chapter.


End file.
